Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
50% drunk capacity currently
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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