I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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