mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize