Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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