i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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