everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
