happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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