At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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