How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
