Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?