The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?