She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
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Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
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Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was