I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.