he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
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Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
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Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill