There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die