lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
