it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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