Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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