apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
