WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
