On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
organizing the empties. That sober.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
