LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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