He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
