I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
