I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
