I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
