so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I want a musical about memes.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
