did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
