Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
