Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
God, I missed his penis.
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