I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
