Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
