She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
im holly from the hills drunk
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
