Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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