people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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