he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
