i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
