I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
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He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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