had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
