And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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