Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
