Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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