Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
