i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
