What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
