And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
should my penis look like a turkey
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
