so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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