sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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