I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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