My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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