Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
