i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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