My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
