Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
