don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
