i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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