I heard we made out
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
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i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
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I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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