Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
