I didn't shave. On purpose
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
