I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
