i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
