2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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