elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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