Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
