laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
