So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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