my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You don't make any sense
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