As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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