the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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