its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
