College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
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