Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
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