I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
