God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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