Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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