we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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