You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
