the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
