I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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