You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize