Your face is a jimmy john
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
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we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
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I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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